Couples/Marriage

Common complaints that couples present with are: communication problems, lack of intimacy, sexual dissatisfaction, feeling disconnected, one person feeling like they are doing all the work, infidelity, feeling trapped, feeling neglected and excessive fighting.

I facilitate a new way of communicating, in part by paying attention to body language and tone of voice. I also help slow the process down so that we can more clearly understand the meaning each person is making of what is being communicated.  Research shows that slowing down or even taking a 15 minute break from an argument can change the outcome of the interaction.  A new and healthier response is then possible. 

Training in Marital and Couples Therapy:
Susan Johnson, PhD, Emotion Focused Therapy, Five-day externship, ongoing consultation.
Ellen Bader, PhD, and Peter Pearson, PhD: Weekend training, one year consultation
David Schnarch, PhD: Five-day externship
John Gottman, PhD:  Self-study

Couples counseling may include one individual session per person as part of the assessment. 

Examples of Interventions I may use:

1. Teach the concept of “bids for connection” (Gottman) and the difference between “moving towards”, “moving away” and “moving against” types of bids.
2. Slow down the process (S. Johnson) so that hidden primary emotions can surface and be understood. Research shows that slowing down or even taking a 15 minute break from an argument can change the outcome of the interaction.  A new and healthier response is then possible. 
3. Facilitate you and your partner talking to each other with respect, curiosity and patience.
4. Explore how you have fun.
5. Teach the concept of projections.
6. Teach boundary setting.
7. Gain awareness of family/generational patterns of behavior and connect these to your own patterns.  Awareness frees you up to then choose which patterns to let go of and which patterns to feel good about and keep.
8. Some problem solving and /or adjusting of agreements.
9. Recognize and minimize defensiveness and blaming. 
10. Address compulsive and abusive behaviors (phobias, alcoholism, ADD, work, eating disorders and more).
11. Pay close attention to body language and tone of voice.  Couples often ignore or misinterpret signals.  Learn to name what you see and check for accuracy of what you think you are seeing. 
12. Teach active listening skills (Bader and Pearson).